What does God really want from me?

     This fall I am a junior in High School. A lot has happened in my life since the last time I posted a blog. First of all, I turned 16! I had a nice party with family and friends. I managed to pass my driving test, and am now officially a licensed driver. For the past month, I have been living at my grandparents’ lovely cabin in Aspendell, California with my brother, Sam. I have really been enjoying my vacation time with friends and family.
    While Sam and I have been up here with my grandparents, some pretty big changes have been happening at home. My dad has been appointed, Director of Orphan Care, for YUGO Ministries. This means that now he is not only director of the nursery, but of the girls’ and boys’ homes as well. With this new role, my family has moved into the third floor home on the other side of the street. Lily, Joe, Mom, and Dad have moved all of our stuff without Sam and me being there. It all seemed to happen so fast, and all while I have been away.
      I started thinking about how these changes will affect my life when I return. I am going to come home to a different house and lifestyle. No longer will I have to tiptoe around the house for fear of waking up sleeping babies. No longer will I hear crying babies through the monitors in our kitchen. Everything God has done, using my family, to make the nursery what it is today, will now be handed over to someone else. All of the sleepless nights my mom put in, all of the Sundays we sacrificed to take care of the babies, these things started racing through my mind. Honestly, my first thoughts were, “It’s not fair!” The more I thought about it, the more angry and upset I became.
     But then God reminded me of the message my dad has been giving all summer to teams that come down to work in Mexico. I have listened to it several times, so I think I can quickly summarize: When we feel a tug on our hearts to do more for God, what does that mean? Does more mean quantity? Does he want us to give 100$ instead of 50$? Does he want us to spend a month in Mexico serving instead of 1 week? It could mean that, but as my dad has been teaching, and I agree, that when God says he wants more from us, he means hard. I think that God calls us all to do more by doing hard - doing things that are physically hard, emotionally hard, and spiritually hard.
     I have come to a conclusion. In my life right now, doing hard means letting go and trusting God. Moving away from what I have been doing for the past three years, and trusting that God will take care of things. Yes, coming home to a different house will be hard. Yes, starting a different lifestyle will be hard. Yes, seeing somebody else do the job that I love and worked so hard at for 3 years will be hard. It’s what God has called me to do… hard. It’s what He calls all Christians to do. It’s what Jesus himself did for us on the cross.
     My heart aches for the fatherless. Several of them are some of my very best friends. I am thankful that God has allowed my family and me to continue working with them, even if it looks different. I trust that God is in control of this situation, and I trust that he is doing what’s best. James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the man who preservers under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” Please keep my family in your prayers as we shift into a new stage in our lives. God Bless.